I avoid my family because they are at best begrudgingly accepting of who I am, and always abusive and manipulative. I haven’t spent any holidays with them since 2013, by choice, because I don’t feel safe doing so.
Still, though, I find myself desiring the familiar; I find not being around large groups of people during holidays, as I was for the vast majority of my life, unsettling and lonely. I miss the company of the handful of people I trusted there. I occasionally miss my abuser during these periods, and that scares the fuck out of me. I especially miss playing with the younger kids during the holidays.
To those who are unable to be with their family during the holidays because they are unaccepting of who you are, they are abusive and you had to leave to be safe, or any other reason:
You deserve companionship. You deserve to be surrounded by people that care about you, every time of year. You deserve to spend the holidays with those who are dearest to you. You are worthy. You are loved. You are important. Please don’t ever forget that.
There are people who care about you. There are people who want to be with you. You may be separated from them by distances you can’t close right now — cities, states, countries, continents, oceans — but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
It’s rough as hell, sometimes, but please take care of yourselves. You deserve that, too.