Well that was a hell of a month. Honestly, this is the first time the holidays have ever worn me out in this way, I was totally unprepared. I had planned on writing something for Inatri about my own struggles with unemployment and my impending financial doom, but the season took it’s toll and I didn’t have the strength to deal with writing about something so personal. Because of this, Inatri released no articles in December; we went completely dark.
That’s not like us, honestly. We have been pretty good about releasing even a small thing. Ah well, c’est la vie. Because of my own guilt regarding the silence, and my own inability to produce anything remotely legible without breaking down, I want to discuss both some of what happened and some of the plans we have for the new year.
As I alluded to before, December was a tough time for the Inatri staff. I succumbed to my own debilitating depression but didn’t really tell anyone. Instead, I decided to work harder at a hobby job that I picked up in November. This meant I was sleeping, at most, 5 hours a day, while eating barely anything and totally being unresponsive on Twitter and Skype. I find it hard to notice these destructive personality traits until it’s taken its toll and I find myself constantly hungry and having mid day naps. Coupled with the holidays themselves, my mental health was pretty garbage.
Since being laid off I’ve made barely any money. In all honesty, I don’t even pay myself for writing. I naively expected we’d be making some money at this point or I would have found another job. I’ve had some interviews and some interest in my resume but being as awkwardly and visibly trans as I am makes it hard to pass the first interview stage. I don’t interview well to begin with so having that extra little pressure of presenting as femme and knowing you’re being judged on your appearance completely fucks me over. I honestly didn’t care about this until my Employment Insurance ran out in late November, ever since then it’s been cycles of depression and panic. I will probably expand upon this in an upcoming piece.
As for duckie, they’ve been having health issues, however, I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to discuss their problems publicly.
Even though we were having issues, that didn’t inhibit our ambitions. First off, expect a site redesign before the end of the month. Neither of us are too pleased with the current look and layout of the site. WordPress is also a total nuisance sometimes in the most annoying of ways. Hell, we can’t even get scheduled posts to work, that’s how completely borked it is.
As for articles, we’re looking for freelance writers. I have gotten 3 pitches, and I am pursuing all of them, while duckie is pursuing a couple others. The topics covered are diverse from accessibility to mental health to human sexuality. That said, if you have a pitch for an article please send it to [email protected].
In terms of what I want to write, I’d love to do a direct follow up to my article on masturbation since it was so heavily focused on CAMAB penis havers. I’m a bit shy when it comes to finding interview subjects so I pulled from a pool of people I know and posted to my twitter, which means I got respondents that are very similar to me. Even if I never do a direct follow up with CAFAB folks or CAMAB individuals with neo-vaginas, I’d love to do similar interview pieces. There’s a lot of discussion to be had about the intersection of identity and sexuality, and thus I’d love to interview some non-trans, individuals who don’t present as cis. Particularly fembois, cis-identified crossdressers, and CAMAB individuals who identify as sissy. That said, I don’t want to limit myself to just those ideas. If you know anyone who would like to be interviewed to discuss their sexuality, or their identity, drop me a line.
Finally, I plan on either continuing or rewriting my piece about being trans and unemployed as it will become increasingly relevant in the coming months. I’m hemorrhaging money from my savings and that’s incredibly scary to me, so it’ll be cathartic at least to write a piece about the rollercoaster of emotions I’m currently experiencing.
Inatri has been on the web for a year. We have a lot to show for it in terms of content, but not as much as I hoped would be there by the end of 2015. Provided we’re still able to, we’re going to be pushing harder this year. Hopefully with some more finance, some more support, and a few good freelance writers, we can make 2016 the year 2015 was supposed to be for Inatri.